I woke up to the sound of a phone ringing. I couldn’t work out where I was for a moment, and the flying sensation from my dream lingered. It was not completely dark in the room, but still felt pretty early. Then the ringing stopped and Rose’s voice filtered through the remainder of my dream, as I remembered I was in Rose’s spare room.
:Hello? … speaking … who is this? … yes, we did … I’m sorry, I can’t say where he is at the moment. Would you like to leave a message, I’ll make sure he gets it.
Rose, my bouncer. I smiled, started to stretch, forgetting exactly what I was stretching until needles of pain ran up my arms, down my back and gathered in my collar bone. I yelped. Rose rushed in.
:What is it, love?
‘I’m OK. Forgot I had broken bones. Aah. Fuck. Sorry. Someone for me on the phone?’
:Your boss, that Mr Barker. As far as I could tell. He wants you to call him this morning. I’ve got to go to work now. I’ll ring you later. Don’t forget to ring him, and ring that policeman too. Promise me, love.
:I thought I’d let you sleep this morning – do you want some breakfast before I go?
‘No, thanks, I’ll be fine.
:Anything else you need?
I was finding it hard to ask, but swallowed my pride.
‘Could you get me some of my pills? Everything’s bloody hurting.’
Rose fetched the pills and a glass of water and waited while I took them.
:Anything else you need?
‘No thanks. Go to work. See you later.’
I settled back in the bed as she left the room, and heard the door shut behind her. I wasn’t an early morning person, but felt rested, despite having flown round the world in my dreams. Thought about getting up and facing the day. Fell asleep immediately.
Woken up by the intercom. Opened my eyes groggily. Fuck it, needed to get up to answer the door. Arms and legs wouldn’t coordinate, got tangled in the duvet. Nearly fell trying to stand up. All my aches and pains woke up together and held me up even more. The buzzer sounded again, more insistently. Deep breaths. They’d have to wait while I sorted myself out. Slowed down. Got organised. Stood up carefully. Made my way out of the room to the intercom, which was buzzing again.
~Dec, it’s Lis. The password is ‘underpants’.
~Sorry, just joking. You sound really sleepy. Have you just woken up?
~Sorry to get you out of bed. It is quite late, though. Can I come in?
I pushed the button to open the outside door, and went to open the front door. After some juggling between the fingers poking out of the plaster on my right hand, and my swollen left hand, I managed to get it open. Lis came in, carrying several shopping bags. She looked at my dishevelled appearance.
~I’m guessing you haven’t phoned any of the people you were supposed to phone this morning? Didn’t Nico ring to remind you? Honestly, he’s so brainless.
I tried to drag my own brain into some form of activity. Who was I supposed to phone?
Lis tutted and rolled her eyes.
~I’ve been given strict instructions, from Rose, so you know I have to do as I’m told, that you should have phoned DI Johnson before eleven. Also, you’re supposed to ring Don this morning.
She looked at her watch.
~It is now eleven twelve.
‘Shit. I just went back to sleep. Shit.’
I stood in a stupor, not knowing which way to go first.
~OK, don’t panic, first thing to do is sit down before you collapse. Living room, yeah?
I followed her in.
~Right, now, you might have missed the police guy, or he might still be around. Are you up to trying right now? You still seem half asleep to me. I can ring and explain if you like? See if there’s another time later, yeah?
That sounded like a good plan, one that involved me doing no talking to any policeman, and got me off the hook for a short while.
Lis made the call. She spoke for a few minutes, then hung up.
~OK, you missed DI Johnson, he’s in a meeting till later, but his secretary said he wants to visit you this afternoon. OK?
~Right, next job on Rose’s list, make sure you’ve had some breakfast. Unless you ate in your sleep, I’m assuming that’s currently a no. Let’s go and see what’s in the kitchen, yeah?
I followed her out.
~Well let’s see if you know where things are. What are you having?
~Off you go then, I’m sure you’re more than capable of boiling a kettle and burning some bread. Anything you can’t manage, let me know. Don’t get butter on your cast, yeah? I won’t stand here and watch, I’ll sort out the clothes I got, show them to you while you’re eating. I’m quite pleased with myself, I have to say. Nico’s pretty set in his ways as far as clothes are concerned, I enjoyed having a free hand.
From the amount of bags she’d brought in with her, Lisa had bought up the city centre. I tried not to think about what she might have bought, or how much she might have spent, and focussed on trying to get my faulty arms to make my breakfast.
I boiled the kettle with no problem – there was already enough water in it and I didn’t need to run the tap or lift the lid, or do anything else I would struggle with. Tea bag – easy. Pouring the kettle, however, took some coordination, and I slopped water over the counter.
Teaspoon was a little more fiddly. Four pint cartons of milk also proved to be hard to handle with a damaged left hand, and a fair amount of milk joined the water on the counter and dripped down onto the floor.
Squashed the bread a bit getting it into the toaster, and failed to butter it in any recognisable way.
I couldn’t hold the knife properly in my left hand, and my right arm being encased in plaster meant I couldn’t move it properly. It dawned on me that I was going to have to get used, for the time being, to asking for help. It also dawned on me that there were easier things to have for breakfast. Tomorrow I would try cereal.
‘Fuck it. Lis?’
‘Can you help me?’
She came into the kitchen, saw the mess I’d made of the counter and the toast, took the knife out of my hand and sorted it out.
~Hm, so that’s what all the ‘fuck‘s were about. Being on your own’s not going to be so easy, is it, as long as you’re plastered up. Not so annoyed to have visitors calling in now, yeah?
She rubbed my shoulder and smiled.
I smiled back.
~Okay, eat your breakfast, I’ll talk you through the Declan Summers winter collection. Ooh, I like that, the Summers Winter Collection. Maybe you should take up modelling – um, once your face is a bit more presentable.
I sat at the kitchen table, dropping bits of toast and spilling my tea with my left hand, while Lis wiped up my spills and then brought my clothes in.
She had gone completely over the top. I could have done with one pair of jeans, a couple of t-shirts, one hoody, a few pairs of pants and socks. That’s what washing machines were for. Lisa had bought jeans, chinos, cargo pants, T-shirts, shirts, hoodies, sweatshirts, sweaters, a coat, countless pairs of pants and socks and a pair of trainers, although I didn’t remember telling her my size. She’d even got some pyjama bottoms.
‘What have you done? This is way too much.’
~Don’t worry, I wanted to give you a choice, I can take things back if they don’t fit. Do you like it?
‘It looks great, I can’t try it all on though.’
I gestured to my plaster cast.
~Hm, hadn’t thought of that. Don’t want to rip anything. Tell you what, keep it all, try it on whenever, if it’s not right then, we’ll try to take it back, yeah?
‘It must have cost you a fortune.’
~Oh, don’t worry, I got it on Nico’s credit card. He won’t mind.
‘You already lent me all that money, I haven’t even started to pay it back yet. It’s way too much.’
Lis sighed and rolled her eyes.
~You know what, Dec, it actually isn’t. You have no clothes. You sold almost everything you own to pay back the charities, you owed your soul to your friends and the rest of the world, and then some bastards came and took everything else you had in the most offensive way I can imagine. You actually deserve to have some nice things. We can afford it. Let us do this, yeah?
I sat looking at the table. Humbled, undeserving. Worthless piece of shit. A few tears welled up, spilled over, plopped on my plate. I really needed to stop doing this. Lis knelt beside me and put her hand over mine.
~Look, Dec, it’s all very well you being this big independent I-don’t-need-help kind of guy. Very macho. Man points galore. Extra testosterone and everything. But you actually do need help, just at the moment. It’s OK to ask. It’s OK to take it when it’s offered. It’s … just OK, yeah? We help because we care about you. I hope you care enough about us to let us.
She ruffled my hair and stood up.
~OK, lecture over. Right, what else did Rose tell me I had to do? Oh yes, make sure you call Don. This morning. Well, you’ve got about five minutes left before it’s officially afternoon, yeah? You’d better get on it. Can I leave you to it? You won’t go back to bed?
I sniffed and wiped my eyes on my sleeve.
‘No, I’m OK. I’ll get the phone – oh bollocks, I haven’t got any numbers.’
~Rose said the number is by the phone, she left you a note, and there’s also a list of other numbers – me, Nico, her, Jay and Beth, Don, DI Johnson.
Lis brought the phone and the note into the kitchen.
~Off you go, then, before you get into trouble. Are you OK for something for lunch? I think Rose might have left you a sandwich – oh yeah, in the fridge here. Looks tasty. Nico’s going to call in after training, whenever that may be, once he first remembers and, second, stops chatting for thirty seconds. Later this afternoon I would guess. Call me if you need me, yeah? Anything else you need before I go?
‘No, thanks. Really, thanks, Lis.’
~No trouble, see you soon. Don’t get that plaster wet – no washing up.
‘Sadly, also not likely.’
She walked out, closing the front door behind her.
I looked at the phone and the list of numbers. Dialled Don. He wanted me to go in to see the club medics that afternoon, but I didn’t know what time the police were coming so he asked me to go in first thing in the morning. I’d have to swallow a bit more of my pride and ask Rose or Nico for a lift. Another thing occurred to me, and I filled him in briefly – apart from what I was wearing on Saturday, my spare training kit had been in my flat, along with my studs, club hoodies, everything I was supposed to wear to official events, all ruined. Don was silent for quite a while.
-I’m sorry to hear that, son. That really is out of order. Are you alright? Is there anything I can do?
‘I’m fine. Thanks for asking. Just haven’t got any official gear.’
-Well that’s easily sorted. Come tomorrow in your civvies and we’ll get you another load to take away. The basics at least … Declan, you do know I’m here for anything you need, to talk, any kind of help. I’m starting to realise just how tough a time you’ve had lately. Please let me know if you’re finding things difficult. I’d like to help if I can – it’s not just about rugby.
I didn’t know who Don had been talking to – Nico, Jay, even Rose for all I knew, but someone must have been filling in the blanks about my recent history. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it; I liked my privacy and my independence. Yeah, and look where they’d got me.
‘Thanks very much. See you tomorrow?’
-Sure. Oh, one more thing, I tried to contact you on your mobile, but there was some problem with it. Have you got it turned on?
‘Er, no, it’s with the police. It was trashed on Saturday. Don’t think it’ll be working anytime soon. Ever again, actually, looking at it.
-Oh, I didn’t realise. You’ve been through a lot one way and another, haven’t you. OK, is it alright to contact you on this number then?
-Great. Tomorrow, then.
I was feeling drained, and contemplated going back to bed, but knew that would be frowned on by several people. I also didn’t want to have to rush for the door when DI Johnson arrived, so on balance decided to stay awake.
I looked at the clothes Lisa had bought. It was all really good stuff, she had been very good at choosing. Clean clothes appealed just then, and I wanted to put some on, although without having a shower I wasn’t going to do them justice. How long would it be until I could get clean? Decided that was a thought for another time. I’d have to stink for now, and hope none of the clothes needed returning. I chose a baggy t-shirt and zip-up hoody, some tie-waist cargo pants and some necessary underwear, took them into the bedroom and struggled into it all.
The right sleeve of the hoody was rather tight over the cast, and getting the cargos on was difficult – pulling trousers up one-handed with hardly any working fingers was really tricky. But each time I did it, it got easier. That was something I wasn’t about to ask for help with, however many lectures I got.
Despite only just having had my breakfast, I was hungry by the time I got dressed. I took the sandwich from the fridge, not egg thankfully, but a very satisfying beef and salad on a half-baguette. Rose obviously knew me better now, and it was just what I wanted.
Now I was dressed and had some underpants on, for the first time in what felt like ages, I started to feel a bit more normal. I went into the living room and flicked the TV on. There really wasn’t much on in the middle of the day, and Rose only had basic channels. I settled for a quiz show and let it wash over me.
Being there was going to take a bit of getting used to. My flat upstairs wasn’t the most homely of places, but I had got used to its bareness and its smell. This place was very definitely Rose’s, with her ornaments, cushions, slightly twee pictures and penchant for pine air freshener. I didn’t feel uncomfortable, but I didn’t feel I belonged either. I was almost tempted to go upstairs, just to have a look at exactly what kind of a state it was all in, but knew I wouldn’t handle it very well. Best wait until it was all cleaned up; I’d go up then.
The quiz show became a chat show became an antiques show. I got bored and turned it off. I made another attempt at a cup of tea – more difficult this time, as I had to put water in the kettle. I couldn’t hold it under the tap at all, and was very pleased with myself for finding a bottle of water in the fridge which I managed to pour into the kettle using both hands. I’d have to make sure I asked someone to fill the bottle up for tomorrow, and get some milk put in a smaller jug. Or stick to glasses of water.
I heard some footsteps, voices and banging from overhead, and remembered the cleaners were there dealing with my flat. I hadn’t realised how much could be heard from down here, some of the noises seemed to be in the same room. What had Rose heard from down here? I hadn’t had a music system or a TV up there, and I’d pretty much kept to myself, but I’d been miserable a lot of the time, spent more than a few nights crying myself to sleep when I was really low. She’d never said anything, but maybe I was beginning to understand why Rose was looking out for me.
To take my mind off it all, I tried to work out what the cleaners were doing: hoovering was easy, but some of the other noises sounded like full on DIY rather than any cleaning I’d ever done.
Once the noises from overhead had stopped, I found myself sitting staring into space. I finally had room in my head to drift – there were no demands on me, nobody talking to me, and nothing I had to think about.
The intercom shattered the quiet that had settled on the flat. My heart rate rose slightly – I had downgraded my personal security alert status a little, but I was still half-expecting ‘someone’ to have found out where I was staying. I picked up the handset, slightly nervous.
>Declan, let me in. Is Nico.
Unless it was a really good impersonator, I recognised Nico’s voice, so I pressed the button, and went to open the front door. Still tricky turning the lock, but managed it after some fiddling.
>Ha, you have been dressed by Lis. Very nice. She try to dress me, but I say no. She tell me she buy many clothes on my card. Is OK. She enjoy shopping always. You are OK today?
>Ha, you say this to us all. How you really feel?
I sighed. People were starting to get to know me too well, and my usual strategies were failing.
‘Hurting everywhere, fed up with not being able to use my hands, fed up with people telling me what to do, tired, pissed off, a bit scared. Satisfied?’
>Much better. I want that you say this, is not good to not say. I am sorry you feel this. I am happy I am here to help.
Nico waved a DVD in the air.
>We watch me! I find more DVDs – Rose has DVD player?
‘I guess so, it might be a bit ancient, is that it there?’
Nico bent down to the TV stand and put the disc in a slot while I turned the TV back on. It took some time to find the DVD channel, but we got there in the end, and the game started playing.
>We need beer. Rose she has beer?
‘Er, no, and I’m on strong pain meds, so no go, and also Don said not, plus it’s the middle of the afternoon. We’ll have to do without.’
>Ha, but Rose has tea, I know this. I make tea. I am not English, but I learn things about tea. You will like.
Nico was lifting my spirits – I guess this was on his list from Rose. He was very good at it. While he was in the kitchen, the intercom buzzed again. I answered it.
I didn’t recognise the voice, and my heart lurched. Had he found me?
‘Who is this?’
ϙDI Johnson, are you expecting me?
‘Oh, yeah, OK.’
Trying to get myself under control, I pressed the button and struggled with the lock again.
>I make tea for the policeman. They always drink tea.
DI Johnson stepped inside, looking slightly ill-at-ease. I showed him into the living room, where he perched on the edge of Rose’s comfy armchair. Nico came in and handed us a mug of tea each, and turned off the DVD.
ϙOh, ah, thank you. I’m DI Johnson, and you are?
ϙAh, yes, good, good, I was hoping to speak to you anyway, are you able to stay?
>Yes, I stay with Declan.
He sat at the other end of the sofa.
ϙGood, thank you. OK, Declan, firstly I wanted to verify some information we received from Mr Tiago yesterday regarding a wallet and a name he gave us.
‘OK. I’m pretty sure my wallet was in my bag at the club with the keys to my flat. I obviously wasn’t the one who looked through my bag, Nico did that. He didn’t find my wallet.’
ϙCan you confirm that Mr Tiago?
>Yes, I look in Declan’s bag, I look in his pockets, take everything out. Is all covered in piss and shit. His keys and his wallet are not in there. I look well.
It hadn’t occurred to me that Nico had had to trawl through filth to search for my keys. Another debt of gratitude owed.
ϙWhat happened to the bag?
>I throw it away.
ϙHm that’s unfortunate. There could have been fingerprints.
>Huh, I don’t think of this. It smelled bad, I wanted it to be gone.
ϙWell not to worry, maybe we can retrieve it. Declan, can you think of anywhere else you may have left your keys or wallet?
‘Sorry, it’s all still really difficult to remember, Saturday afternoon is all jumbled up. I can remember getting changed in the office, but I can’t specifically remember putting my keys and wallet in the bag. But I would have done, because that’s what I always do, in my jeans pocket.’
ϙOK. Thank you. Now, the name that you have given, David Allsop, where does this come from?
>It come from him being the one who do this to Declan.
DI Johnson looked at me, ignoring Nico.
‘It … seems … possible’
ϙDeclan, you seem less sure than Mr Tiago?
‘He’s a mate. I can’t quite believe it.’
>He do it before. Declan, be honest about this, or I will say.
I looked down at my hands. Thought about what he had taken away from me, how he had made me feel.
‘Several weeks ago, he was part of a group of players who gave me a hard time in training. Really hard, physical stuff. He also pissed on my clothes twice, in the changing room. But we made it up, shook hands. We were going for a drink after the Chieftains game –’
ϙWait, you had arranged to meet Mr Allsop on Saturday evening?
I had to rewind what I’d said in my head, it had just come out of my mouth without me thinking about it.
‘… yeah … I’d forgotten till just now. He texted me on Saturday afternoon.’
ϙWhere were you going to meet?
‘In the car park … shit.’
I started to shake. It suddenly seemed so obvious.
‘He wanted to meet by his car. He always parks over the other side, out of the way. Fuck, I was so stupid. I just totally believed him. He even came to see me in hospital – yesterday morning. He apologised for how he’d been, it was – I just – believed him.’
I thought about it all, how he’d fooled me, even coming to the hospital to – what? – check out what I remembered? Had I missed something important when we’d talked earlier? I looked at Nico. He was looking back at me with some concern.
>Declan, you look not well. You are temblando.
He looked at the policeman.
>We must do this now? Declan he only come from hospital yesterday.
ϙI can see it’s upsetting to you. You’re being very helpful. If you feel we could continue, I won’t be much longer.
I felt sick, a bit light-headed. But this needed doing. I nodded.
ϙIn fact, we have managed to piece together some of the data from your phone. It’s not complete, as the phone was pretty well destroyed, but there are some records we could retrieve. You did receive texts from Mr Allsop on Saturday afternoon, but the content was irretrievable. We were able to retrieve more messages from longer ago, and will be able to get more, with your permission, from your service provider. We were particularly interested in a couple which were anonymous, and seemed a little threatening.
That didn’t surprise me. I hadn’t read everything that had been sent my way in the last few months, but a lot of it had been from people who weren’t my biggest admirers.
‘I’ve had a lot of texts from people who don’t like me much. Pissed off nearly everybody over the past few months.’
ϙI understand that. These two were ‘caller withheld’, and seemed more directly threatening than the others – we have been through them in some detail. One said ‘Payback’, and the other began ‘Watch your back …’ The first one was sent on the same day that, I believe, your suspension by your club made the news. The second was sent on the day of the points hearing, after the announcement. We have software that might be able to decrypt the senders’ numbers, but we are having some trouble with it. Do you remember either of these messages, or have any idea who they were from?
‘No, sorry. I’ve had hundreds of texts that I deleted before I even read them. Not happy reading.’
ϙWell, no problem, we’ll keep going with the software. You understand that while we will investigate your allegations about Mr Allsop, there were no witnesses to your assault, the alleged theft of the keys and wallet or the events perpetrated in your flat. If you remember anything else that could help, please contact me. I think I’ll leave it there. I’ll be in touch.
He stood up, held his hand out, realised I couldn’t shake it properly and patted me on the shoulder instead. Nico showed him out, then came back into the living room.
>Well done. Very well done. Is not easy to say about a friend. You still look horrible. You don’t drink your tea. Neither does the policeman. I make some more.
‘I can’t believe I forgot he texted me. It’s so clear now.’
>You remember more things?
‘No, not really. I’ve been trying so hard to, but that just popped in when he asked me about it.’
>Huh. Maybe this is the answer, not to try.
‘Yeah, maybe. Bloody hell, Nico, you went through my bag!’
>Sorry, my friend. Rose, she want your keys. I try to help.
‘No, I mean … that must have been … I can’t believe you would do that for me.’
>Ha, is not problem. I wash hands good. Now, we think of something other. Tea and DVD? Maybe you remember again how great I play?
Nico was great at changing the mood, taking the stress out of it all, and I gladly took his bait.
‘Maybe I’ll remember again how modest you are.’
We spent the rest of the afternoon watching Nico’s DVD, eating Rose’s biscuits and messing about. He managed to completely take my mind off everything that was worrying me, and I felt a small part of myself start to relax. The afternoon wore on, and Nico looked at his watch.
>Huh. I must go home to my beautiful wife. She miss me. Rose will be home soon. Is there something you need?
I remembered my conversation with Don about getting to the stadium early tomorrow morning, and my lecture from Lisa this morning about asking for help.
‘Actually, a favour?’
>Ha! I think this never happen before. Please ask, my friend.
‘Well, how early are you going to be at the club tomorrow?’
>I am there to train at eight thirty.
‘Could you pick me up? Don wants me to get there early to see the docs.’
>Is not too early for you? You are very late today – Lis, she tell me, no secrets!
‘I’ll make sure I’m ready. Rose will make sure I’m ready.’
>Then I am here. Eight sharp. Ha, you know I am late.
‘Can I ask something else? Another favour.’
>Ha, two in one day, increible! You have big bang on the head.
‘Cal’s asked for an Optimus Prime for Christmas. No way I can get one.’
>What is Opti – what is this?
‘It’s a toy, a Transformer. Long story, I promised it a long time ago.’
>Huh, OK, I write it, Lis, she help. Is done.
I spelt the words, and Nico wrote them down.
>Is pleasure. Be careful of yourself, my friend. See you tomorrow. No, don’t come to door, I let myself out.
He waved and walked out. As the front door opened, I heard Rose’s voice.
:Oh hello, love. Just off are you? Not staying for a cuppa?
>Oh, Rose, I am sad to miss your wonderful tea, but I must go home to kiss my wife. I am here tomorrow morning to fetch Declan – he need to wake early, you can help?
:Of course, love. What time?
>I am here eight sharp. I never late. Right, Declan?
:I’ll make sure he’s ready. Bye then, love, see you tomorrow.
I heard the front door close, and Rose came into the living room.
:How are you, love?
Rose gave me a look, and I knew I was going to have to change my stock phrase, as it had definitely been rumbled.
:I know that, love, but how’s your day been? Did you manage to phone everyone?
I told Rose about the visit from DI Johnson, my phone call with Don, and Lisa and Nico’s visits. It had been a pretty busy day, once I’d got out of bed.
‘And I think the cleaners have been upstairs, I could hear them moving around. You can hear pretty much everything that goes on up there, can’t you?’
:You can, love. Just remember that, next time you have a wild party.
‘Doubt that’ll be for a while.’
:And of course you’d invite me anyway. Right, what shall we have for tea?
The rest of the evening passed pleasantly with eating, TV, showing Rose my new clothes and a phone call from Beth, asking how I was and discussing dates and times for my visit. Tony the landlord also called round to say the cleaners had finished, and that my flat was clean once again, although there were no carpets. These would be replaced in the next few weeks.
:You’ll just have to stay here till they’re done, love.
I could have gone straight up to have a look, but I decided not to right away, feeling weird about seeing the flat again. However, I didn’t have a toothbrush or any washing stuff, and didn’t know what had been kept and what had been thrown away.
:You should have said, love. I forgot you can’t shower with your cast. Washing’s going to be a bit tricky too, isn’t it. Have you managed to wipe your bum alright?
‘Fuck, Rose! Yes I have thanks, just about. Not that it’s any of your bloody business.’
:Sorry, love, but if you don’t ask you don’t know. If you want a wash, I’ve got a flannel and soap you can use, you’ll just have to try your best with that. I might have a new toothbrush somewhere too, let’s have a look.
She managed to find everything in a cupboard in the bathroom. I’d need to be up fairly early tomorrow to make myself even slightly presentable.
‘What time do you get up?’
:Usually about seven, love. Do you want me to wake you up?
‘Yeah. Thanks. Might need a few goes.’
:Hm, you don’t like waking up much do you? Don’t worry, I won’t let you sleep in. Off to bed now are you?
:Need some of your pills, do you?
Rose helped me with my painkillers, before I went into my room and struggled out of my clothes. I couldn’t be bothered to struggle into pyjama bottoms, so just wore my boxers. Easier all round, less to struggle out of all over again tomorrow. Reaching for the bedside lamp was difficult, so I turned it off before I got into bed, and climbed under the duvet in the dark. I slept almost immediately.
Dreaming. I am being chased by faceless men in brown boots. I find a safe place on a hill, but they surround me and are closing in. I can’t fly, something is stopping me, but everyone who loves me can, and they swoop down from the sky to stand around me, holding hands in a circle, making sure the men in brown boots can’t reach me.