I couldn’t see Amy’s car as I pulled into the parking bay. The flat was ominously quiet and dark as I opened the door.
No reply. Fuck. Why had I let myself get so caught up with Cal’s project? Thinking about Perth had brought back some great childhood memories, talking about my dog, my friends, places I used to go. Talking about it like it was part of Cal’s school work helped me to think about it without focussing on my parents and all the sadness that brought. I’d enjoyed myself so much, I’d lost track of time, and suddenly it was late. Too late. I saw a note on the coffee table.
Tired of waiting. It’s always something isn’t it. Gone to Jude’s. Don’t wait up, won’t be back. A
What the fuck did that mean? Was she … had she … how long was she going for? Beginning to panic, I tried calling her. Maybe I could fix some of this over the phone. It went straight to voicemail. I hated leaving messages, but made an attempt.
‘Ames, I’m so sorry. I know I keep fucking up. Please don’t stay out, please come back and talk to me. I can’t bear this, not talking, knowing I’ve upset you and not sorting it out. I feel so far away from you. Please come back. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please don’t go. I love you. I love you so much.’
I hung up before I started to cry. It felt like things were broken between us, and I didn’t know how to mend it. Couldn’t bear to think about where it might end if I didn’t. The thought of losing her nearly sent me back to that dark place where I’d been when my parents died, and when I’d lost Jay and Beth. I was just about holding on. I sent Amy a text as well, then made myself a cup of tea and scooped some of the takeaway curry I’d brought home onto a plate. I sat staring at it all for a long time while it went cold, unable to decide if I should go to Jude’s to find Amy, or whether I’d just make things worse. If they could be any worse. My phone rang. For a second I thought it might be Amy, but it wasn’t her ringtone. The tone and the screen announced Beth.
_Dec, were you supposed to be spending time with Amy tonight?
_Cal just told me, he said didn’t think you were going to stay as long as you did. I’m so sorry, sweetheart, I didn’t realise. You should have said, I’d never have let him keep you here so long if I’d known. Is everything OK?
I took a deep breath, tried not to cry, failed.
_Oh Dec, what’s happened? Tell me, sweetheart.
‘She’s not here, she’s gone to Jude’s. I think I’ve fucked it all up. Shit, I’m so fucking stupid. She left this note saying she’s not coming back, I don’t know what she means, she’s not answering her phone, I don’t know what to do. I think she might have … left. I can’t lose her, I just can’t, I love her –’
_Dec, listen to me, you haven’t lost her, she’s just angry. James and I went through something similar when he was still playing. Rugby is a pretty full on career, it can swallow you, and there are always lots of lovely ladies who’d like to have a bit of your man, given half a chance. You both have to be pretty strong, in yourself and together.’
Beth’s reassuring words were helping to calm me down a bit, but I was still on the verge of panic.
‘You’ll get through this, I’m sure, you just need some time together, talk, tell each other how you’re feeling. It’ll be the end of the season soon, you’ll have the summer to wind down, get some normality back. Actually, thinking about it, James and I would have a blip of some sort at the end of every season, it’s all bound up with stress and expectations. It wasn’t until he stopped playing and started coaching that things changed. This is your first real season with all that pressure, isn’t it. It can be hard, you just have to work at it.
‘How did you fix it?’
_Well I think things tended to fix themselves, once the season was out of the way and we could spend time catching up with each other. Eventually I realised what was going on and just accepted it. We talked about it too, so we’d both recognise what was going on. That’s so important, sweetheart.
‘It’s a bit difficult when you’re not even in the same fucking building.’
_Yes, that is a bit of an added problem. Can I maybe suggest that the next time Cal asks you to do something when you’ve already got something important on, you just say no?
‘I can’t say no to Cal, I can’t let him down.’
_I know, sweetheart, you’re so lovely to him, but it’s OK sometimes. He’ll understand, he won’t stop asking. Make sure you talk to Amy, Dec. Even if you have to stay in for the next week to make sure you see her.
‘It’s hard –’
_I know. Do whatever it takes. She loves you. You both want it to work. So make it work. You just –
I didn’t hear the rest, as I heard a key in the door.
I rushed to the door, disconnecting from Beth as it opened, so relieved she’d come back. She looked at me with big, sad eyes, as I took in the large holdall she had with her.
‘Fucking hell, Amy, were you really moving out?’
)I don’t know. I’ve been completely miserable the last few days. I was going to stay the night at Jude’s and see how I felt.
My legs felt weak. I was terrified I was going to do or say something that would make her change her mind and leave again.
‘But you came back …’
)I got your voicemail and your text. It made a difference. Oh Dec, I don’t want to leave, but I can’t bear this uncertainty. I can’t bear it if every time you’re late or have to go somewhere last minute, or go out without telling me where you’re going, I think you’re with her.
‘Amy, what the fuck? I was with Cal. I know I was longer than I should have been, and I’m so sorry I asked you to be here and then I wasn’t, but who did you think I was with?’
Although I didn’t need to ask. She looked at me, pain in her eyes.
)God she’s a conniving cow, she’s got between us without even lifting a finger.
‘Shit, you thought I was with Becca fucking Davis? Fuck, Amy, you really thought I was with her?’
)I don’t know what to think. It all feels like it used to at school, all the mind games and then the inevitable conversation – ‘Sorry Amy, but Bec’s more fun than you. Let’s just be friends.’
I tried to hold on to what Beth had told me, that Amy was feeling insecure. It was hard. It hurt that she could believe I would cheat on her.
‘Do you think I’ve been lying to you?’
‘Well what then? It sounds like you think every time you don’t know where I am, I’m with Becca fucking Davis.’
)Dec, I’ve hardly seen you for weeks. I never know where you are these days. I thought when we moved in together we’d see each other all the time, but it’s not like that, it’s like we never bother making time for each other any more And you slept on the sofa again last night. It’s like you can’t bear to be with me, like you don’t want me any more She keeps texting me, telling me things you said or did, making it sound like you were with her. Now she’s on the scene, it feels like it’s only a matter of time and she’ll have you –
She started to cry and dropped her bag to put her hands over her face. We were still by the front door; she hadn’t even closed it behind her.
‘Oh Ames, this has just all got a bit out of control. Come here, babe.’
I pulled her into my arms and held her close, unable to stop my own tears. I couldn’t bear her being so sad. I couldn’t bear being so sad myself. After a while we both sniffed to a halt, stood back and looked at each other.
‘This is shit, Amy, how have we let this happen? We need to sort it out.’
She nodded. I pushed the front door shut, as if that would somehow keep her here, and took her by the hand to lead her into the living room. We sat together on the sofa.
‘OK, there’s lots I need to say, I’ve been a fucking thoughtless dickhead and taken you for granted and I need to apologise, but before any of that I just need to be absolutely sure that you know and believe that I love you, and only you, forever. Do you believe me?’
She looked up at me, nodded.
‘Do you love me?’
)Yes, of course. But that’s –
‘Hold on, there’s something else that goes with that, that I need to know you believe. I haven’t spent one second with Becca fucking Davis since she was in the bar after the game. She can throw herself at me all day long for all I care, I’ll never take any notice of her, she’ll make herself look like a fucking idiot for trying. I only want you, I’ve only ever wanted you, I’m not interested in anyone else, just you. I’m sure she would like you to believe something different. You can only believe one of us. If you believe her, she’s won, got what she wanted – I don’t mean me, she’ll never have me, I mean power. That’s what all this is about, she’s a bully and likes to take power away from people. Do you believe me?’
Another nod, less certain.
‘Oh Ames, I’m so sorry I’ve caused all this. It’s just been so manic recently, I’ve stopped keeping in touch with you.’
I glanced at Amy’s note on the table: It’s always something isn’t it.
‘I know I’m always getting caught up, side-tracked, late back.’
)Well I am getting a bit fed up of hearing ‘Sorry babe, I lost track of time’. Dec, I really love that you’re always helping people out, I really love how sociable you are, but I’m here too, I need you too. Like, last Sunday after the under elevens game, you went off to cut Carol’s grass and you were gone all day because Matt came round while you were there and you ‘lost track of time’. I thought we were going to talk then, but we never got more than a few minutes, and it’s been days now. There’s only so often I’m willing to wait in all day on the off-chance you’re going to actually turn up when you say you will. It’s not fair.
I thought about it, how often that happened, how I just expected her to be here when I’d finished talking or helping out or having another beer. It happened a lot.
‘I’m so sorry, Ames. I’m treating you like shit, like you don’t matter. You matter the most to me in the world. You’d really think after everything that’s happened to me, I’d realise when I was taking the people I love for granted. You’re so precious to me, I should remember it every day. If I’d been in tune with you a bit more, I wouldn’t have even thought about giving Becca Davis your number, I’m such a fucking dick.’
)Why did you?
I hung my head, embarrassed.
‘This is pretty lame. It felt awkward not to, she was pretty insistent. I was saving my own face. I’m so sorry, babe. I honestly thought she was an old friend, or rather to be more honest, wasn’t really paying attention to what you were saying, and chose to believe she was an old friend. I’m so sorry.’
Amy glanced at me, then looked down, shoulders hunched.
)When she rang me, while I was out with Cara and everyone, I could hardly believe it. She was just the same as she was at school, I knew she was up to something. I’d seen her after Raiders games a few times, hadn’t spoken to her, didn’t know if she still recognised me, she obviously saw us together and decided to try her old tricks.
‘But all they are is tricks. If we’d been a bit more in touch with each other, it would never have gone so far. We’ve both been so busy, I think I need to let you know what’s going on with me more, maybe do a bit less, make sure I have time for us to be together. And once the season’s finished and your exam’s over, we’ll have lots more time. Oh Ames, I’ve missed you. I feel like there’s been more than distance between us sometimes. I’ve hated sleeping on the fucking sofa.’
)Why did you, then? I didn’t ask you to.
‘Well, actually, you did the first night, you might not remember, you were pretty wasted. Fair enough, you were bloody furious with me. But after that, it felt like we were kind of avoiding each other, and then we felt so far apart it was a bit weird to be in bed with you. I wanted you so much but, well, that wasn’t going to happen, so I just put myself out of harm’s way.’
)But I asked you not to last night.
‘I know babe, I wish I’d talked to you about it. I didn’t want to come back until we’d sorted things out. I wanted to talk, but I fell asleep before you got back. I didn’t hear you come in.’
)It just made me feel even more like you didn’t want me.
Amy looked so unhappy and I felt so bad. I tentatively put my arm round her shoulders, and felt her relax a little as she rested her head against me.
‘Oh Ames, I’m so sorry. I just can’t move for fucking up at the moment. I want you. I need you. I love you. I love you so much. I should say it all the time, so you never feel like this again. I’ve taken you for granted, I’ve got previous, I should know by now that I have to work at things, talk about things, keep things out in the open. Me and you, we’re the most important things to each other. We can do without anything else, jobs, homes, cars, all that shit, but we can’t do without each other. We need to be strong together. We are still together, aren’t we? Are we OK?’
)If you’re sure you still want me –
How had I let things slip so far that she could doubt it?
‘Amy, I love you, I want you, I need you. I always will. We want each other, don’t we? I know I’ve already asked you this, but will you marry me?’
Amy choked back a sob with a half smile, and looked up at me with her beautiful blue eyes.
)Of course, hon. Oh Dec, I love you. I’ve been so unhappy, I think I convinced myself Becca would win, like she always did, and I couldn’t see any other end to it. You must think I don’t trust you. I do, it just all got tangled up with her. It’s what she does.
‘Maybe I need to have a bit of a word with her –’
)No, hon, just leave it, she feeds off it. Tell you what we can do though, next home game I’ll hang around afterwards, we can have the biggest snog the Raiders Bar has ever seen, tongues and everything. That might just do it.
And suddenly there it was, over. I sagged with relief as I felt Amy melt against me, and the tension between us evaporated.
‘I like the sound of that. Can I feel you up too?’
)Don’t push your luck.
I pulled her closer and folded her up in my arms, so glad we’d managed to sort things. I could see Amy’s holdall still in the hall, and it made my blood run cold to think how close I might have been to losing her.
)Oh, you know what, thinking about that weekend while I remember, I saw Mum and Dad a couple of days ago. They’re going on a cruise in a few weeks, three months round the world, it’s to celebrate Dad’s retirement.
‘Bloody hell, lucky them. That’s great.’
I genuinely meant this, as they would be out of the country and out of Amy’s business for a quarter of the year.
)It means they won’t be here for my birthday, so they want to have a special meal before they go. They want you to come too.
‘Really? They want me to come?’
)Well, OK, I said I wouldn’t go unless you were invited too. It’s almost the same. They’ve booked that fancy place near Cathedral Park, Fishers or whatever it’s called. It’s for a week on Saturday, I know you’ve got a game, I said it would have to be later so you have time to do all your post-match stuff, so they booked it for nine. Sorry, hon, I really want you to be there, hope you don’t mind.
I was more than happy to celebrate Amy’s birthday early with her parents if it meant that, firstly, they would be out of the country for three months, and, secondly, I wouldn’t have to invite them to her surprise party, so they wouldn’t be there all night disapproving of her having fun.
‘No worries. Sounds perfect. Now, did you mention some snogging? I think we need to get practising so we’re word perfect on the night. Come here, you gorgeous woman. I’ve fucking missed you. Let me show you how much.’
Playing rugby for Raiders
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Declan Summers @summs12 5 May
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Dec: =Good luck babe. U’ll smash it. See you l8r, tell me how gr8 u were. Luv u 2 bits xxx
Amy: =Thx hon, sooooooo nervous. Luv u 2 xxx
_Hi Dec, just ringing to see how Amy got on with her exam.
‘She’s not back yet, they all went out for a drink afterwards, I’m not expecting her until much later. She thinks it went OK though, sounded pretty confident actually.’
_Oh that’s great, I’m so pleased. So, if Amy’s not there, is it a good time to do some surprise party plotting?
‘Great idea. Over the phone, or do you want to come round?’
_Oh, I can’t, James is out, no babysitter. You could come to ours?
‘No, I’d better stay here in case Amy comes back early or needs me to give her a lift or something, she’s expecting me to be here.
_Sounds like someone’s learned a lesson or two.
‘Yeah, the hard way. As usual, it takes a fucking crisis, but I get there in the end. Phone it is then …
– … young player of the season is … Declan Summers. Well done, Declan, come and get your trophy – oh, er, when you’re ready. Declan? Well, it certainly looks like Declan’s young lady is eager to congratulate him on his award … er, right … ahem … ah, thank you, yes, here you are, congratulations. Phew, Declan, you’ve made me blush. That doesn’t happen very often. And now on to the award for …
Amy had gone home to change, ready to be picked up by her parents. I still had some photos with sponsors to finish up, some handshaking with various corporate people and a bit of mingling with any remaining supporters before I could get out of my Raiders suit, into my ‘dinner with Amy’s parents’ suit, and head off to the restaurant.
The whole day had been spectacular, starting with Raiders winning the semi-final of the play-offs, courtesy of a last minute try from one Declan Summers, followed by my award for young player of the season, and then by signing a new personal sponsorship deal that considerably increased my income for the next two years.
The well-rehearsed and very enjoyable kiss with Amy as my award was announced seemed to have seen off any lingering doubts in Becca Davis’ mind that her scheming was going to work, as she left the room with a face like thunder during the presentation.
I finally finished the photos and the handshakes and headed to the bar, where a few people were still listening to the band as it played its last couple of numbers. Jay and Nico were leaning on the bar, watching the sports channel on subtitles. I went over and stood next to them.
>Hey Declan, you want a beer?
‘No thanks, Nico, I’m off out soon.’
I nodded at the TV screen.
‘Did Arsenal win?’
>Yes, they win. Cal’s Theo Walcott score a goal, he is happy now. Both his teams win, but only one of his best players score. Your try must make up for this, is only second best. Tottenham, they lose. Matty is not happy, yes?
‘Probably not, he’ll get over it, I expect he’ll find some understanding woman to console him later.’
łHey, that’s my little brother you’re telling the truth about. You’ve escaped the media circus at last, then. Seeing spots before your eyes?
‘Ha ha, yeah a bit. That flash was really bright, and my jaw’s aching from all the fake smiling.’
łJust think of that lovely money, that’ll make it a real smile. Well done, mate, you’ve earned it.
‘Thanks. I think I might head off in a minute, can’t be late for Amy’s parents.’
łOh yeah, the dreaded meal. Just think of it as a free dinner followed by three whole months of not having to think about them. See – now that looks like a real smile, mate. Just a word of advice, though. Don’t try the snogging display on them. Might not go down well.
>Ha, yes, this is some kissing we are seeing. We think we watch movie awards, not rugby awards.
łDid it do the trick?
‘Don’t know what you mean.’
łNo, mate, course you don’t. Oh, did Brett find you?
‘Brett? Oh, Bonksy. No, was he looking for me?’
łYeah, just now, said he needed a favour. Dec, I’ve been meaning to ask for ages, why ‘Bonksy’? What does it actually mean?
‘Fucked if I can remember, it was so long ago, from Academy days. I was Captain Sensible for a while, that’s just fucking hilarious!’
łYou did have a bit of an earnest quality about you back then. Seem to have shaken it off pretty well now. Oh, here’s Brett, I’ll leave you to it. See you soon, mate, have a good evening if at all possible.
Jay clapped me on the shoulder and turned back to the TV as Bonksy approached.
]Hey Summs, I’m glad I caught you, I wondered if you could do me a favour?
‘If I can. I’m just on my way to dinner with Amy’s parents, big posh restaurant, I can’t be late.’
]Oh, nice one. Is it in town by any chance?
‘Er, yes, why?’
]Great, then it won’t take you any time at all, it’s on the way.
‘What exactly do you want me to do?’
]Well I’ve got myself in a bit of a bind, see there was this girl earlier, and I liked her and everything, and I kind of said I’d give her a lift home, but now I’ve been getting on really well with this other girl, and so giving the first one a lift home not really an option, but seems a bit rude to leave her in the lurch, and all the buses have gone now. She lives, oh I don’t know, I can’t remember exactly where, but it’s not far, practically on your way. Please, mate, you’d be doing me a real favour.
I hesitated, not wanting to complicate my evening by unnecessary Bonksy diversions. It didn’t sound like much, though, just taking someone somewhere I was already on the way to, maybe having to listen to her complaining about what a dick Bonksy was. I looked at my watch. Plenty of time to get changed, do Bonksy’s dirty work and still not be late for the restaurant. I sighed. Bonksy and I hadn’t seen much of each other since Amy and I moved in together; it felt kind of good to be helping him out of his scrapes again.
‘OK. As long as it’s on the way. You’ve told her you’re not taking her home, haven’t you?’
]Well, no, I was kind of hoping …
‘Oh fucking hell, Bonksy. Oh alright then. For old times’ sake.
]Thanks mate, I owe you one.
‘You owe me several actually, at the last count, not that I am of course.’
I was speaking to Bonksy’s disappearing back, but he turned at the door.
]Oh, she’s waiting out the front by the programme kiosk. Cheers mate.
He walked out before I could ask her name or what she looked like. I quickly changed into my posh suit. By the time I was ready, there was hardly anyone left in the club. I headed out to the front of the stadium, kit bag in one hand and Raiders suit in its cover over the other shoulder. It had started to rain. There was someone waiting by the programme kiosk, hunched against the increasingly heavy drizzle. She had her back to me.
‘Hey there, are you waiting for Brett – shit.’
As she turned round, I recognised her. Becca Davis. Fuck.
ϸYeah – oh, hi Declan. Did Brett get held up?
I was completely at a loss for a few seconds.
‘Er, yeah, actually, he’s, er, not going to be able to take you home. Says he’s sorry.’
ϸOh. Had a better offer did he?
Fuck it, I had no reason to spare her feelings.
‘Something like that.’
I turned round and started to walk towards my car, fuck whatever I’d promised Bonksy.
ϸWait, Declan, is there any way you can give me a lift? It’s pissing down now, I haven’t got my coat and there aren’t any more buses from here. I can’t walk far, I’ve got a bad ankle.
I shouted back, over my shoulder:
‘Phone a taxi.’
ϸI’ve got no cash. Please, Declan, it’ll only take you a few minutes.
I had absolutely no reason to do anything for her, apart from my inexplicable inability not to help people out. In the end my pathetically overactive conscience got the better of me.
‘I’m heading into town. I’ll drop you off somewhere if it’s on my way.’
ϸOh you’re a star. I’m just off the bypass.
She trotted over to the car in high heels, no apparent sign of any bad ankle. I got the first twinge of misgiving. I put my suit in the boot while she got in the passenger seat and put her seatbelt on, then I got in myself. I started driving, determined to get her out of the car as quickly and with as little conversation as possible.
‘Where am I dropping you?’
ϸYou look nice, going somewhere special?
I looked directly ahead and not at her, her too-short skirt and her too-tight shirt.
‘Yeah. So whereabouts am I dropping you?’
ϸOh it’s not far, just past the retail park. I’ll say when. Going out with Amy are you?
I didn’t answer; Amy was not the topic of any conversation I was going to have with this woman. It didn’t stop her for long.
ϸWhy did you close your Twitter account? It wasn’t because of me, was it?
I didn’t answer.
ϸShame, it was fun keeping in touch. Are you on Facebook?
‘No. Is it much further?’
ϸJust a bit, we haven’t gone past the retail park yet. Don’t be so keen to get rid of me.
She was silent for a while, but kept wriggling in her seat, her skirt creeping further up her thighs as she did so.
ϸThat was quite a performance you put on in the bar.
ϸYou and Amy. All the tongues and roving hands. Very impressive.
‘Piss off, Becca. You know nothing about me and Amy.’
I bit my lip, annoyed that she had riled me into responding.
ϸI know enough to see you were trying to impress someone – maybe hoping to show someone what you’re made of?
‘OK, that’s it, I’ve had enough of your tiresome bullshit. You can get out now. Fuck off.’
I stopped the car. She turned in her seat and faced me, leaning forwards.
I sat in silence, clenching the steering wheel as it dawned on me just how much trouble I might have got myself into. I watched the windscreen wipers clear the screen a couple of times. Got out of the car, into the rain, and called Amy.
)Hey hon, are you on your way?
‘Ames, I really can’t believe I’m about to say this. I’m so sorry, babe. I’m in a bit of a situation. I’ll be there as soon as I can. I love you, I need you to trust me.’
)OK … Are you –
I looked at the screen. It had gone blank. I pressed the power button several times, but nothing happened. Out of charge or just given up the ghost, it didn’t really matter. It had sealed my fate.
‘Fuck it. Fucking useless piece of fucking junk.’
I shoved the redundant phone back in my pocket and got back in the car, out of the rain.
‘What exactly are you trying to achieve?’
Becca settled back in the seat, crossed her legs and ran her hands through her hair.
ϸKeeping dry for starters. Mm, comfy seats, nice and warm, ooh look, it reclines. Join me?
‘I’m just going to go where I was going, you can stay in the car or get out–’
ϸThink I’ll stay. I’d really like to see the look on Amy’s face when you get back to the car after your night out and I’m in the front seat, looking a bit rumpled and like I just might have had a fucking good time with the driver. I might even cry a bit – Oh Declan, you’ve been ages, I thought you weren’t coming back – oh … Amy’s with you …
She made her face crumple and a tear rolled down her cheek.
ϸI … I thought after what we did … you said she didn’t mean anything to you, how could you do this …
She sat back and looked me boldly in the eye. She was a bloody good actress, I had to give her that. I could imagine it working on Amy, after everything else that had worked. I thought of a few choice names to call her, but tried to keep a lid on my rising temper. I needed to concentrate if I was going to get out of this.
‘What do you want?’
ϸOh, nothing you’re likely to give me, you haven’t got the balls, much as you want it.
‘There’s absolutely nothing I want from you, apart from getting the fuck out of my car.’
ϸNo, I didn’t think you’d actually admit it. You can’t tell me wet fish Amy Wright is actually satisfying you, though?
As I ignored her attempt to diss Amy, Becca hitched her skirt up a bit higher, undid a button on her shirt and licked her lips. It was so obvious, it was almost funny. Maybe it might have worked on someone else, someone who was unhappy, or unsure, or just fancied what she was offering. It didn’t work on me.
‘What do you want, Becca? Maybe you think I can’t sit here all night fending off your pathetic shit, but I’ve had worse all nighters, and I’ve always won in the end.’
Perhaps she realised I was serious, as she seemed to sag a little bit, and dropped her head.
ϸOh alright, sod it, you’re really not worth all this. All I actually want is for you to take me home, right to my door, so I don’t have to walk there in the rain. And you can tell that cock Deressie from me, he’s a fucking wanker.
The fight seemed to have gone out of her. I could hardly believe I’d got off so lightly. I might not have needed to call Amy at all. I started the car.
‘Fine. Which way?’
She gave me some directions which seemed to lead into, then out of, the housing estate. After a while, I was totally turned around, had no idea where I was. It took me a while to realise we were heading out of the city, and then suddenly we were on a country road.
‘Where the fuck are we?’
I’d totally fallen for it. I’d just told myself what a good actress she was, and then I’d let her fool me into driving her all the way out here, some dark lane, in the middle of the countryside.
ϸOh, whoops, must have made a mistake. Are we lost?
The road was narrow and there wasn’t anywhere to turn round. I drove for some time, looking frantically for a gateway or something so I could head back the way I’d come. Finally, in the headlights up ahead, just as I was considering reversing all the way back down the road, I saw the entrance to a field where the road widened and I would have my chance. I pulled in, and the car stalled. I tried to start it again, but the engine just kept turning over without catching. I looked at the dashboard. The petrol gauge was blinking on empty, as it had been since yesterday, but I’d forgotten about it. I banged the steering wheel in frustration.
‘Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, a million fucking fucks.’
ϸIs that a request? Not sure I can manage a million, definitely one or two, three at a push, if you’re really good …
‘Just piss off.’
I took my phone out to dial before I remembered it had died too.
If I’d thought I was in trouble before, I’d had no idea how bad things could get. Becca stretched in the seat beside me and looked at me with wide, delighted eyes.
ϸOh Declan, it almost seems like you might have planned this. What kind of a girl do you take me for?
She took her seatbelt off. Then unbuttoned her shirt and took that off too. I stared at her for a second and then turned and faced resolutely forwards, thinking ‘shit shit shit’.
‘What the fuck are you doing?’
ϸWell it seems a shame not to make the most of the situation. It’s going to be a while before anyone comes to help us down this road. We may as well enjoy the wait. I can make it very enjoyable, look …
She reached behind her, undid her bra and took that off too. I tried to ignore how naked she was, but was finding it a bit difficult.
‘Have you got a phone?’
ϸYes, but I’m not sure I’m ready to call for help just yet. Maybe in a little while I might need to …
She leaned over, stretched her hand out and started stroking my thigh. In spite of myself, and to my shame, I felt myself responding. I forced myself to think about Amy and not what was going on in my pants.
‘Becca, just stop there. I don’t know what you think I’m going to do with you out here in the rain in the middle of fuck knows where, but it is not going to happen. Not here, not anywhere.’
ϸYour hard-on tells me different.
‘My hard-on tells you I’m thinking about Amy.’
It was mostly true, although I was finding the close proximity of Becca’s nipples shamefully distracting. I picked her hand up from my thigh and put it in her lap – I really needed to get out of there.
Becca suddenly leaned towards me, grabbed my head and kissed me, thrusting her tongue deep into my mouth and her naked breasts against me. Horrified, I pushed her away as hard as I could, and, wiping my mouth, tried to find the door handle.
‘I don’t know what the fuck you think you’re doing. Do you think you’re sexy or appealing or something? You’re just sad and pathetic. I’m going to get back to the city so I can carry on with my evening.’
At last, I found the door handle and shoved the door open, almost falling out of the car in my haste to be gone, away from this terrifying crazy woman who was making me feel things I definitely did not want ever to be feeling.
ϸI’m sure Amy would appreciate a text from me telling her not to worry …
Becca’s voice followed me out of the car. I sighed as I stood up. I’d had enough. I was already in deep enough shit, I was going to have to tell Amy everything anyway, nothing Becca Davis could do now was going to make it any worse.
‘Do what the fuck you want. You’re just a silly girl who’s never grown up. You think you’re still at school. Welcome to the real world, where grown ups don’t get sucked in to your childish shit. I suggest you put your shirt on and call a taxi. Good luck with your sad little life, just stay the fuck out of mine.
I hunched my shoulders against the pouring rain, and started to walk back down the road, cursing myself the whole way for the fucking gullible idiot I was, ignoring Becca’s shouts to wait, come back, she’d phone for help, then her yells that she was texting Amy right now and telling her how hard she’d made me, finally some loud sobs mixed in with most of the names I’d already called myself since leaving the club earlier. As her voice faded behind me, I trudged on through the rain, feeling bleak and stupid.
The downpour was a very effective cold shower, but I still felt guilty about how I’d responded to Becca’s touch. It was purely physical, no reasoning or emotional part of me was even slightly attracted to her, but I’d surely blown it with Amy now.
We’d been in such a good place since we’d sorted everything out. We’d been to see Jay and Beth and talked to them for a long time about how they managed to make things work when Jay was playing. Since then, we’d worked hard on communicating with each other, but I knew Amy still felt insecure about the amount of female attention that often came my way, and now this farce with Becca was just going to blow it all wide open again. And in front of her parents, who didn’t like me anyway. I hoped against hope that Becca was bluffing about texting Amy, but it seemed like the sort of thing she would do, so I prepared myself to face the fallout from that too.
The lights of the city grew slowly closer as I carried on walking. I was soaked right through to my skin, my suit was ruined, and my shoes squelched. It felt like hours later when I eventually reached the outskirts of the city, and the first street lights.
A car came towards me, and I thought about flagging it down, but realised no one was going to give me a lift in this muddy, saturated state. It was probably a taxi for Becca anyway. The car stopped behind me. I ignored it and kept on walking. The car reversed and the window wound down.
}So do you want a lift, or shall I leave you to enjoy your stroll in the deluge?
I stopped and looked properly at the car. Blinked the rain out of my eyes and tried to make sense of it.
‘Matt? What the fuck are you doing here?’
}Do you want me to tell you before or after you get in out of the rain and start ruining my Italian leather seats?
I opened the door and got in. He turned the heater up full, but my teeth still chattered.
}Fuck me, you’re absolutely drenched. I should have brought a towel. Or a dehumidifier. Or one of those fucking industrial suction pumps. Shit, Dec, you’re a sight for sore eyes, I’ve been all over looking for you.
‘What? How did you know?’
}Well I don’t know much, I have to say. You can fill me in on the way. Amy rang me, all in a panic, said you were supposed to be at Fishers with her parents, but you’d rung her saying there was a problem, then got cut off.
‘My fucking phone died.’
}Ah. Anyway, I didn’t know where you were, but doing a bit of detective work via Jay, then your mate Brett, we worked out you may have got waylaid by the charming @bouncybec.
‘Shit, does Amy know?’
}Well, none of us know anything for definite. It was Becca, then?
‘Yeah. Fuck, I’m such a dick. I couldn’t have been more fucking stupid if I’d tried.’
}You took the words out of my mouth. Dec, what possessed you to give the woman a lift? I don’t even know her, and I’d avoid her like the plague, and you know I’m not that fussy.
‘Well I didn’t know it was her when Bonksy asked me to do him a favour. Then I felt sorry for her.’
Matt gaped at me.
}You felt sorry for her?
‘For about two seconds. The wrong two seconds. I’m just too much of a sucker for a fucking sob story. Before I had a chance to think about it, she was in the car and I was screwed. Almost literally. My car’s way back up that road, I ran out of petrol. The last I saw of Becca fucking Davis she was in the passenger seat with her tits out trying her hardest to get me to shag her.’
‘Fuck off Matt! No! Shit, what the fuck do you think of me?’
}OK, OK, sorry, just asking the question that Amy will no doubt ask you. I hope you’re similarly vehement in your denial when she does.
‘What time is it?’
}Ten twenty six, according to the cunningly placed dashboard clock right in front of your eyes.
‘Shit. And thanks for the fucking sarcasm, just what I need. Is Amy still at Fishers?’
}She said she was going to stay there and have the meal with her parents, apparently they’re not particularly understanding of your foibles and didn’t look too kindly on having their celebrations interrupted with any concerns over your well-being. Do you want to go straight there, or go home and get dry?
I sighed. I was wet, and cold, and I really didn’t want to face Amy and have to explain everything that had happened, in front of her parents, but it was what I had to do.
‘Straight there, please. Thanks Matt. Thanks for coming to look for me. How the fuck did you know I’d be here?’
Matt put the car in gear and drove away while he started to explain.
}Apparently Becca lives around here somewhere. Amy gave me a rough idea of her address, we couldn’t think of anywhere else you might have been persuaded to take her. I just drove around in a widening circle, luckily I came across you before too many hours had passed.
‘Thanks, it means a lot.’
I was still soaking wet and cold when Matt pulled up outside the restaurant. With a heavy heart I got out and waved him off. He’d offered to wait, but I didn’t know how long I’d be or what was going to happen inside, so I said I’d get a taxi, and hoped they’d accept sodden banknotes, as well as sodden customers.
The restaurant was nearly empty when I walked in. The maître d’ looked me up and down and started to turn me away.
‘I’m with the Wright party. Sorry, got caught in the rain.’
*Oh, certainly sir, but I think they’ve just about finished.
‘That’s fine. Are they upstairs?’
I walked slowly up the stairs, very aware of the squelching from my shoes, the wet, muddy footprints I was leaving behind me and the water steadily dripping from my clothes.
When I got to the top of the stairs, I saw Amy and her parents sitting at the only occupied table. There were coffee cups and wine glasses ready to be collected. It didn’t look like a particularly happy gathering. Amy looked up, saw me, got straight out of her seat, and came over to me. I saw her think about hugging me, and think better of it, but wasn’t sure if it was because I was so wet, or because she was upset. She gave me a big smile, which helped me be a bit more sure, and touched my cheek, which helped even more.
)Dec, you made it. Come and sit down.
This was so different from the reception I was expecting that it threw me, and I stayed where I was for a second or two. Then I walked over to the table.
‘Hi Mrs Wright, Mr Wright.’
Their reception was more predictable, and was silent and icy. They barely looked at me to acknowledge my presence. I decided to ignore them back and just spoke to Amy.
‘Ames, I don’t think I can sit down like this, I’m absolutely soaked, I’ll ruin the chair. I’ve had to ditch the car and walk for miles in the rain. I’m so sorry I missed your birthday meal.’
)Well, you did let me know you were going to be late, and you did ask me to trust you, so I did. Is everything OK?
I glanced at Amy’s parents, who were listening intently to our conversation, disapproval etched on their faces.
‘Apart from having to leave my car miles up a country lane with no petrol and a half naked fucking mad woman in it, and then being nearly drowned trying to get back here, yeah, I think everything’s OK. Have you had a good evening?’
)Apart from having to coordinate the rescue of my unbelievably naive fiancé from the clutches of a – half naked mad woman, you say? Yeah, it’s been good, thanks.
‘Are we OK?’
She looked at me, her big blue eyes shining. She didn’t look like she was pretending in front of her parents, and I began to hope that maybe things weren’t as screwed as I’d imagined.
)Yeah, hon. Thank God for Matt, but yeah. We’re OK.
She stood up and before I could stop her she put her arms round me and squeezed me tightly.
)You really are very, very wet.
)So am I, now.
)So are you going to put your arms round me or what?
‘I’m finding it hard to resist, but they are also very, very wet.’
)Just get on with it.
I did as I was told, put my arms round her, and buried my face in her hair for good measure, feeling happy and relieved.
)Mm, lovely, now I’m completely soaked too. I think I need to go home. Mum, Dad, thanks for a lovely meal, I’ve had a completely lovely time. Sorry I was on the phone so much. I think Dec and I are going to shoot off now, we both need to get out of these wet things, and we’ve got some catching up to do. Have a great trip, if I don’t see you before.
She kissed them both, I didn’t, and then we left.